The Art of Cheese
By The Dedicated Apeman
Good evening, Good morning, and Good afternoon.
You may be wandering why I have greeted you in such a fashion as I have just done. Well, there are two reasons for this, the first of which is that I don’t know what time you’re reading this so I have covered all possibilities as to avoid potential confusion and poor manners on my part.
The second is that due to having done two nightshifts in a row at Waitrose my body clock is well and truly fucked up. As I write this the sun has set in the sky, but I’m just waking up, I don’t even know what time it is anymore, it might be early morning, it might be late night, I just don’t know. I could digress right now, talk about how morning doesn’t start at 1am because midnight is in the middle of the night, so morning must start at about 4am, there and about, but I won’t. It’s a fairly boring discussion and frankly just confuses me and messed up body clock even further…
It is however, concerning these nightshifts that my story begins…
Many of you may think that the job of a shelf stacker is a mindless job for simple people, and while the stacking of shelves is certainly not an intellectual endeavour, it does actually entail a certain amount of philosophising… at least, it does at 3am in the morning when your stacking cheese and feeling like a walking corpse, dressed in full Waitrose attire.
If you look at the name of the blog you may now be able to figure out what this revelation of mine concerned… cheese.
Now, I am not talking about cheese in a literal meaning of the word, at least I’m not talking about cheddar, camembert, Roquefort and all that shebang… Ney, I am talking about things which are “cheesy”.
Cheese, when applied correctly to a song, can make it the most amazing, joyful thing you’ve ever heard, however, it can also have the opposite effect.
I think the best place to start this is by listening to Blondie’s “The Tide is High”, this is a song which embraces the cheese, lets it shine clear through the song and as such is a song you cannot help but smile, dance and sing too,
I hope you enjoyed that little interlude, I certainly did.
Now at this point I would like to say that I am now writing this several weeks after I’ve started the blog, Christmas has been and gone, and 2012 is upon us, my body clock is now fixed, thank God.
Right after that strange little aside, listen to this Atomic Kitten’s cover of “The Tide Is High” This is where cheese goes oh so badly wrong.
Atomic Kitten shy away from the cheese that is evident in this song, refuse to embrace it and we get bland vocal performances and a song which drags on and on, I didn’t even listen to it the whole way through, stopped at 1:54, to be precise.
Cheese, is only good when embraced, is the point I think I’m making, I could write some more right now, but I really can’t be bothered. I have an exam tomorrow and I need to revise, I’ll leave you in the capable hands of the master of cheese, and will see you next time when I track Britishness through the ages… just you wait.