Category Archives: Dedicated Apeman

They should have just died before they got old


Good morrow readers!

I’m afraid I shall be commencing this post, in the style of Nick Clegg, with a broken promise.

In my last post,  I stated that I would be “tracking Englishness through the ages”, and for the many of you who waited in anticipation for this blog, I apologise with the utmost sincerity and hope you are not too broken hearted, that, alas, this blog does not concern that matter. I was set to talk about The Kinks and The Libertines and Oasis, but it all got too much, I couldn’t face the task I had set myself, and I’m sorry

To make it up to all you dedicated followers of the Dedicated Apeman I have given you a link to one of the most heartfelt songs ever recorded, in the hope you will feel my heartfelt apology.

Simply beautiful.

Right, after that rather sombre opening I shall commence with this post.

The thing that really inspired me to start writing this blog, is from hearing Leonard Cohen’s new single “Going Home”, at 6 in the morning, on 6 radio, as I woke up.  I was barely conscious, in that weird state of being half asleep and half awake, as I heard his deep voice easing gently over beautiful heartfelt lyrics, with a rich organ sound oozing beneath the words. Ooof. That was a rather sensual description.

The thing that really caught me up about it, was that Leonard Cohen’s 78, but can still write amazing songs. He’s managed to grow old with dignity, accepted how he’s changed and adapted his music style accordingly. Here’s this song, enjoy.

To me it seems that he’s talking to his younger self, kind of like Cat Stevens in “Father and Son” If you haven’t listened to that before, it’s well worth your time.   This sort of reflective style is what makes Cohen’s music still work,  he’s accepted that he’s reaching the end of his life, or at least his musical career, and while that is a very depressing thought, Cohen is by no means depressed.  The line

“He wants to write a love song, an anthem for forgiving”  directed at his younger self, is I think, one of the finest lines he’s ever written, he’s one of the few songwriters who truly are poets (and he truly is a poet, he’s published several books of poetry)

However, now let’s contrast this with one of the greatest songwriters of the century who grew old with no dignity whatsoever, and is, quite frankly; living in the past.

From being an incredible, musical icon, he has become somewhat of a joke, yes gentlemen and ladies, it is the not so immortal Mick Jagger

WHAT WAS HE THINKING?!

That is pretty much all I will say about that song, it doesn’t deserve anymore attention.

Mick Jagger needs to accept that he’s grown older. He should have wrapped up The Stones years ago instead of slowly digging them a grave over the years, and beginning to look like a bunch of Granddads prancing about on stage.  Bill Wyman left the Stones, in the nineties, and as Dylan said, The Stones didn’t really exist anymore after that. They have become a joke, and it makes me really upset, it really does.

Dylan is someone else who’s grown old well. Apart from the little mistake that was his Christmas album, he’s continued to release good music, in a sort of country style which suits his evermore growly voice. Rather than living in the past.

Dylan said that “an artist is in a constant state of becoming, he never arrives anywhere”, Dylan and Cohen both understand this completely. However, the Stones arrived somewhere years ago and Jagger refused to ever let them leave, along with bands such as the Who; who have grown old with no dignity, they should have just died before they got old.

On that cheery note I will be leaving you,

Until next time,

The Dedicated Apeman

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The Art of Cheese (or how I learned to stop worrying and embrace the cheese)


The Art of Cheese

By The Dedicated Apeman

Good evening, Good morning, and Good afternoon.

You may be wandering why I have greeted you in such a fashion as I have just done. Well, there are two reasons for this, the first of which is that I don’t know what time you’re reading this so I have covered all possibilities as to avoid potential confusion and poor manners on my part.

The second is that due to having done two nightshifts in a row at Waitrose my body clock is well and truly fucked up. As I write this the sun has set in the sky, but I’m just waking up, I don’t even know what time it is anymore, it might be early morning, it might be late night, I just don’t know. I could digress right now, talk about how morning doesn’t start at 1am because midnight is in the middle of the night, so morning must start at about 4am, there and about, but I won’t. It’s a fairly boring discussion and frankly just confuses me and messed up body clock even further…

It is however, concerning these nightshifts that my story begins…

Many of you may think that the job of a shelf stacker is a mindless job for simple people, and while the stacking of shelves is certainly not an intellectual endeavour, it does actually entail a certain amount of philosophising… at least, it does at 3am in the morning when your stacking cheese and feeling like a walking corpse, dressed in full Waitrose attire.

If you look at the name of the blog you may now be able to figure out what this revelation of mine concerned… cheese.

Now, I am not talking about cheese in a literal meaning of the word, at least I’m not talking about cheddar, camembert, Roquefort and all that shebang… Ney, I am talking about things which are “cheesy”.

Cheese, when applied correctly to a song, can make it the most amazing, joyful thing you’ve ever heard, however, it can also have the opposite effect.

I think the best place to start this is by listening to Blondie’s “The Tide is High”, this is a song which embraces the cheese, lets it shine clear through the song and as such is a song you cannot help but smile, dance and sing too,

I hope you enjoyed that little interlude, I certainly did.

Now at this point I would like to say that I am now writing this several weeks after I’ve started the blog, Christmas has been and gone, and 2012 is upon us,  my body clock is now fixed, thank God.

Right after that strange little aside, listen to this Atomic Kitten’s cover of “The Tide Is High” This is where cheese goes oh so badly wrong.

Atomic Kitten shy away from the cheese that is evident in this song, refuse to embrace it and we get bland vocal performances and a song which drags on and on, I didn’t even listen to it the whole way through, stopped at 1:54, to be precise.

Cheese, is only good when embraced, is the point I think I’m making, I could write some more right now, but I really can’t be bothered. I have an exam tomorrow and I need to revise, I’ll leave you in the capable hands of the master of cheese, and will see you next time when I track Britishness through the ages… just you wait.